On Choking (and other issues pertaining to breathing)

Choking is my call to community. Its not odd when you think about it, really, I mean it is the wake up call to the one-man islands, to the cocky singles, to the isolated hermits: we are not enough on our own.

I was just outside soaking in the sun on a lazy summer evening, enjoying the immense space -- both literal and internal -- that this phase of my life resides in. I am single in a very contented way. Today no communal urges (which tend to range from horniness to loneliness) pulled at me. So I lay down and read my book and bathed in the beauty of being 23. Until an ant the size of a hippo crawled on my bare tummy. Then I sat up, but then the white of the pages of my book caught the suns rays and glared up into my eyes. I gave up and headed inside for a drink of water. A tall cold glass of water still fit the sensuous freedom of my evening. But then I swallowed weird, ended up choking, and spewed water all over the counter in an effort to avoid drowning.

This sadly is not an unknown occurrence for me. I do not have 'coordination of the epiglottis'.

But choking is also a divine reminder for me. God tapping me gently on the shoulder (or trachea) to remind me that while contentment is wonderful, community is still needed. Treating myself to evenings of self-indulgent relaxation can be beautiful -- but if I do not share life with family, friends, the random old guy on the street that smiles in an ambiguous way, I am missing out. I will relax myself right into a pathetic obituary "young woman dies of clumsy swallowing: glass of water proves fatal". Well perhaps I am exaggerating. But my point is, while we often grow frustrated with our communities, dream of time to be alone, and wish to avoid the hubbub around us -- they are the arm that is raised waiting to heimlich us back to life. Without community we become indulgent creatures that choke on our own isolation. Choking reminds me that no woman is an island... and also that drowning is possible with a very small amount of water.

And hey next time you see me, make sure I am drinking with a straw.

J